Work for free

To the tune of the regimental song 'The British Grenadier'

Some work with full time professionals,

And some with part time roles,

There’s on call duty doctors,

Retained fire fighters slide down poles.

But of all the country’s workers

There’s none that can compare

With a no, no, no, no really no,

To the British volunteer.

The clue is in the name,

It really does appear,

That the problem with this type of staff

Is will they actually appear?

The Government thinks staff for free

Is something we should cheer,

With a no, no, no, no really no,

To the British volunteer.

If I’m in an aircraft flying,

On under a surgeon’s gaze,

Or taking a solicitor's instruction

Being guided through a legal maze.

I really want someone good,

Who has trained for years and years,

With a no, no, no, no really no,

To the British volunteer.

I really do admire

Volunteer’s enthusiasm time and panache.

I’d rather try herding kittens

Volunteers can make such a hash.

If the Government thinks the role is needed

Using unpaid staff is just a veneer,

With a no, no, no, no really no,

To the British volunteer.

So come and join me worrying

When help we seek to find

I want someone who is time served

Dealing with big problems of mine

I don’t want to seem disparaging

But actual qualifications I do revere

With a no, no, no, no really no,

To the British volunteer.

I so admire St John’s Ambulance

Special Constables, School Governors and the Lions

So many people contribute unflinchingly

To help other people’s lives

But we shouldn’t reduce professionalism

Let the Government know we are clear

They can’t expect everything for free

From the British volunteer.