When it's not been your week, month or even year

 I have several lists.

• Holiday destinations, places I want to go to.
• WIGAJ ('when I get a job') - things that need replacing but I can manage without buying them until they actually fall apart.
• DIY - repairs I should really be doing and will get around to eventually. This is measured in years and decades not days. Seriously, it took me 27 years to replace a toilet. 

These lists are all of varying length but are no longer than a page of A4. 

I have one list though whose length surpasses all my lists added together and then some and that is 'The very stupid things I have done during my life...so far' list. This list continues to grow with a new addition from just last week. With age does not always come with wisdom, certainly not in my case. This list is so long it's basically a book. There could be a prequel and a sequel.

There are so many things on there;

Not telling Mrs EoTP that I'd taken a job in the north of the country and wondering why she was so irked with me. Irked being a euphemism for spitting nails.

Taking a job in a textile group of companies - I thought I could learn to be interested in jacquard weaving. I was wrong. So very, very wrong.

Telling an important franchise holder they were considered a 'joke' by their peer group. He had wound me up badly so I feel only slightly guilty in retrospect but it did end up almost being being career limiting. I thank the intervention of my ever happy line manager Bryan for diffusing the situation.

Taking a job with ****. No names but I loathed the role and the people but I needed the money.

And so on. 
Anyway you get the picture.

I've been unemployed for far longer than I'd like to have been. In many ways I've enjoyed my time. Travel, podcasting, getting much fitter, learning to cook, re-learning French, trying to master IOS coding (Hello World) and so on. All very creative stuff. But I'd like to go back now, back to earning money and back the social aspect to work. To a job.  I've learned a lot over the months about ageism and the impact on job seeking, have rationalised it and yet continue to look. I'm not prideful. I understand I will likely not get anywhere near the salary I was earning but that's OK. I am looking for something meaningful that I'll enjoy. 

So...last week I had an interview. Other observers might call it a train wreck.

For a job I didn't want.
That I would have turned down if offered.
Would have involved a 70 mile round trip daily commute.
Would have cost me part of my soul.

I didn't go into the interview with the correct frame of mind and that's an understatement. I didn't go into win. Frankly I had an attitude problem from the get go.

Why the hell did I go to it then? You're asking and I'm asking. 
And I was there. 

Before we go into all of that let me give you one piece of advice. 
If you are faced with similar circumstances then it's easy. 
Don't Go.

I went because I failed to recognise sunk costs.
When I applied for the role it was the only for job for some time that looked as if I could successfully apply. I've given up applying for tangential positions. This role was a junior one with a salary 50% less than I'd been earning. But, as I say I'm not prideful and I thought (well I knew) I could do it with my eyes closed. However it was never going to be the correct fit for me.

There were hurdles and barriers. You had to prepare a 1500 word paper on a given subject then send it in at least a week beforehand.
You had to give a 10 minute presentation with 30 minutes preparation time. Then answer questions about the presentation then a further 8 questions in a competency based interview. And this for a fairly low level role. I admit I'm profoundly tired of this stuff, of having to be on show for junior roles. Some organisations cling to the notion that this process identifies the correct candidate. I'm not one of them. But...if you want the job then balance on the ball, clap your flippers and catch the fish thrown to you.

Furthermore I had another interview for another role 7 days later for a job I did want and that paid only 25% less than I'd been earning; much better.

I therefore arrived with at the interview the attitude of a bear with a sore head. 'Why am I having to do this, why am I have to go on show all over again?' 

The problem, for me, was having committed almost three hours to write the initial paper, which was written as a polemic, I felt I had to go through with the entire process. Of course I didn't at all and so did not leave with honour intact. In fact I felt rather foolish by the time I got to the car and thought about driving back.

I should have known better which is why I am writing this down. So that, in a few weeks time, when I get around to reading it again it will pointedly remind me never to do that again. 

I expect my list will have added several more lines by then though.