Voluntary contribution

You have all this spare time now you don't have a job. So why not volunteer and give something back to the community? 
So goes the received wisdom. Usually from those who have never volunteered. Often in the Government or Civil Service.

I've done voluntary work now for some years. It was called a job and involved working much longer than my contracted hours such that the effect on my salary was to halve it if you divided actual salary by hours worked. But I digress, I'm not talking about the goodwill factor that most organisations use to exploit their workforce, or the the implied 'if you don't do it then we'll find someone who will' chat that some managers indulge in,  I'm talking about good, honest doing it for free stuff, pro bono, because it makes a difference. That sort of stuff.

It's a good job that so many people are prepared to do this as our society would collapse if they didn't. Or, conversely, someone would have to pay for people to do it and reduce unemployment and not have amateurs doing professionals' jobs. I digress again.

Of course it's not easy doing doing voluntary work if you are unemployed, oh no it's not. First of all you have to convince the Guardians of the Job Seekers Allowance at the Job Centre (say this in a portentous voice and follow with roll of drums or dramatic orchestral score to get the true effect) that it will not affect your job search. In any way. They, the Guardians, have a whole list of proscribed voluntary jobs that you can't do or can't do much of. We'll avoid the weirder ones such a water divining, squirrel walking, porpoise training and manufacturing spectacles for parrots. You have to convince the G o t JSA (roll of drums) that first of all you are not getting paid. The words 'But it's voluntary isn't that a clue?' don't hold much truck here. Getting paid involves interrogation about 'expenses' - that concept so alien to the Guardians that you might give your time for free but the Volunteer-er, as it were, might actually contribute to your costs of travel or specialist equipment you may need to buy. Anyway one is clearly expected to search unceasingly for jobs 8 hours a day, 5 days a week or they want to know the reason why they should continue you to pay you £65 a week for lolly gagging around at home in a cold home scraping the ice from the monitor and unable to buy the bairns shoes to walk to the workhouse.

There are hundreds of opportunities to give your time up for free. But having said that is it just me that finds the idea of 'virtual volunteering' well, just a bit too modern (and that one really exists). I virtually volunteered to do the washing up the other night but Mrs EotP dragged me away from the computer saying 'That site is definitely not a jobs site or I'm a Dutchman.' Which she isn't or a even a volunteer Dutchman.

I convinced the Guardians that my preferred volunteering was acceptable, bodyguard for Laa Laa, Tinky Winky, Dipsy and Po and could legitimately 'work' during the day or night for free and still be considered a keen seeker after work. And so that's what I do to keep the boredom at bay when not actively seeking work which I am doing right now if any one from the Job Centre reads this. Hey I'd be delighted if anyone read this.

The problem with volunteering is the volunteers. You see there is a fundamental difference between volunteers and employees which we need to remember at all times.
Volunteers don't get paid.
That has come as a shock I know.
The whole problem with volunteering is predicated on this basic fact. You see, if you pay someone to do a job there's a reasonable expectation they will turn up at the correct time, do the job and leave at the agreed time. I say reasonable expectation - I've just finished working in the public sector for the last 18 months and shall we just say that it is a different country there. For another day.
There's also an expectation that they will do what you ask, undertake any necessary training when required and generally work as a collective team towards an overall objective.
Volunteers on the other hand tend to turn up when they like, go when they feel like it, do what they want during they the time they are there and disappear when it is convenient to them, and not tell you, despite the fact that the world might be kicking off at that very moment and their presence is vital. Words and phrases such as 'mandatory', 'must arrive at...', 'Must wear the official uniform according to policy', 'Don't touch that button that says DON'T TOUCH', 'Please leave any equipment you are not trained to use ALONE' 'You must know this information...', 'We agreed that you would commit to X hours a month' are routinely ignored. These words and phrases are, at best, treated like guidelines and, at worst, like instructions written in Cyrillic. Don't understand so don't apply to me. In fact not just ignored but regularly treated with puzzlement as if never seen or heard of such stuff before. All of them work in other organsiations so it's not as if we have just beamed them in from Planet Sector 9Alpha++ or anything. Something goes on in the brain that says 'Not paid therefore don't comply (much).'

And organising them, OMG. I look after 15 volunteers for something or other. Probably Dolphin Watch West Midlands. We have agreed that the preferred method of communication is email and that reasonable notice will be given when asking for support. We have also agreed that people will respond. Do they donner und blitzen, thunderbolt and lightning? Nope I spend a good proportion of my time herding kittens, well that would be easier I think, and trying to get responses. It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you post a comment on Facebook it gets answered in seconds but ask for a reply to an email within a week and you get the Sound of Silence. Don't misunderstand me, on the whole these are lovely, lovely people (in the main) who give generously of their time.

How far is the Government, or the country,  prepared to go with this volunteer philosophy? I don't want to go into my local library and ask a volunteer librarian for advice on books only to be told 'Mills and Boon are very good, bit racy though and do try Barbera Cartland saves on palpitations.' Or have volunteer surgeons 'Pass me that sharp thing Bob, what's it called, a scalpet I think.' Or have a volunteer anesthetist 'Got the extra air whatsit here, just let me look at the instruction manual and see where it goes. Oh it goes there does it, changed since I did the training in 1966.' I don't want volunteer pilots 'Hi my name is Captain Bob I trained on Chipmunks in the CCF and don't worry. I'm sure this Airbus A330 is just the same really.' Yes I know we have retained Firefighters (but they are paid), the Territorial Army (still paid) Special Constables (ah, not paid) and so on. And we are probably able to sleep far sounder in our beds knowing that volunteer part timers are out there at on the front line because there ain't enough money to pay professionals. Actually I think many of us would sleep much less soundly if we know just how thin the thin blue line is. Spider's web thin. My advice - don't ask.

The other thing you should know about volunteers is that they are not impartial. I was a Finance Governor for a local academic institution a number of years ago. I learnt very quickly that 'We need to expand the school to meet the growing needs of the community' really meant 'My little angel is in a class with more than 15 pupils and we need lots more teachers so that the teacher/pupil ration is 1:5.' Or 'The school should expand its external educational facilities' meant 'We need a herb garden so my little angel, who has just said this very morning she likes flowers and bees, can have her own publicly funded garden in school.' I'd be pointing out the legal requirement of Governors to make sensible, defensible budgetary decisions on behalf of the school and the best part of the pack would be out hunting for the best deal for their own little Amelia/Miles and the budget could go to hell in a handcart.

But it is a good way to pass the time if you can give it and a way of contributing to the community. And, if you fight the Guardians and find a worthy role to volunteer for then do so. Potential employees appear to have absolutely no interest in the fact that you have used your time wisely and for the good of the community but that's their problem. You have to decide whether to tell them anyway. Just remember though that if does kick off and you turn around looking for immediate support from the other volunteers - they may just have gone home.